1. Gaining 1000lbs.

2. Anxiety.

3. Lacking an excuse to leave in social situations.

4. Looking less cool.

5. Running out of reasons to smoke.

Today was not as bad as yesterday, but it was still really really bad.

Today, I had no appetite.

I don’t know if it’s the lack of cigarettes causing this phenomenon.. or my fear of gaining 25lbs because of quitting.

I still want to buy a pack.

It’s been approx. 24 hours since my last cigarette. This wouldn’t normally be a huge deal, except we’re trying to kick it for good. I may have to buy some minty toothpicks.

My sister and I have very different tastes in music.  One thing we have in common, however, is Lady Gaga.  I smoked my last cigarette right before embarking on the terribly long journey from Los Angeles to San Francisco.

Let me just say- the Gaganator did not have the quitting-smoking little monsters in mind when she chose to include CIGARETTES in what felt like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER SONGS.

Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating.  Or maybe I’m nicotine-deprived and pissed off.

It’s 12:23am on July 6th.  I’ll try to keep this short because I have work in 9.5 hours.

I smoked my last cigarette at 2:48pm on July 5th.  Just a bit under ten hours ago.

To put this in perspective, I have been smoking since February of 2008.  Two years and five months.  For something like the most recent year, I have smoked about a half a pack a day.

I love cigarettes.  Or, at least.. I think I love cigarettes.  I’ve been with cigarettes for longer than my longest romantic relationship (excluding with the TV show LOST, but that’s for another blog).

I felt the quitting-smoking-anxiety about two hours BEFORE smoking my last cigarette.  Yeah, this is going to be a fun ride.  All day, I’ve been on the verge of tears.  Before you say it, no.. It is not my monthly re-affirmation of femininity.  It is the anxiety- from lack of cigarettes, or fear of failing?  I don’t know yet (it is probably the former).

I quit once before.  It was for a girl.  The only reason I can fathom that I would quit smoking for is if cigarettes were replaced with sex.  She turned me down.  I bought another pack.

Around 8pm is when the pain set in.  A headache.  It was terrible.  It was a combination of pressure and pain, with a bit of blurred vision mixed in.  Soon afterward came the stomach ache.  Followed by a sharp pain in my left lung.  I swear to god.  My body wants nicotine.

It’s been four hours since the pain started.  Things still hurt.  I want to die.

I am not quitting by choice.  I simply cannot afford it.  I am being forced to quit.

Sorry for the poor organization/grammar/blog entry.  I can’t think straight.  I think you know why.

Someone please buy me a pack.